Obobo is their version of Uh-Oh.

haha. No real tie to this email. I just felt like saying it.

This week was crazy. I can't even remember what happened! We taught our investigator, Genti, and his friend, Rrimi (Ghentee and RReemee) about the 10 commandments. Usually that's kot (useless) aka BOring, but we were taught how to just go over them and teach them like they're fun,... and it was! Weird. We taught Bujar (BoooyAr) for the last time because he's going to Plazh or the beach with his family. (Really it's because Vëllaj Vance is going to Kansas to visit inlaws.) haha

 

Then... Saturday, ... we did something else important to our learning.....

 

Then... Sunday!.... We had the craziest day ever. Sis. Heathcote and I sang Abide With Me, Tis Eventide for Sacrement meeting in A Capella (we translated a verse into Shqip!) and Sis. Curtis and I taught the lesson for District Meeting. Then... we just had a fantastic devotional by... guess who... MARY ELLEN!! Mary Ellen Edmunds is the MAN. I mean. the woman. She just makes everyone laugh and cry and laugh. As I told you the first week I got here.

 

Monday was ... Chilll? Tuesday, we had the Nashes come speak to us. It was the most intense talk I've ever heard. Do you love how bland and generic I'm being right now? Good. Just know that Every. Single. Day. Is like a firehyrdrant and I can't even begin to explain to you the things that go on here.

 

Here's some fun news: We're moving to Wyview on Tuesday. Yes. We are. We are one of the lucky 6 zones! They're calling it West Campus MTC. Slash I think I told you this already, but oh well. The time has come to depart for 2 weeks and then we peace out of there to ... SHQIPERIAAAA!!!!.

 

Oh. Other fun news: So, my blessed Teacher Sister Iftiu (Motra Zanë or fairy) is leaving to go to her internship! So... she gave us a kulturë day yesterday. That morning we learned a ton about Shqiperia from Vëllaj McGlothin, the areas he served and the zones that are there (2).

 He told us some wicked stories about Shkodër (crazy mountain people) and the Garden of Eden (okay, it's really called Theth). He also told us about how the mission is set up.

Then Sis. Iftiu talked to us all about the culture and the food and the people!! IT'S AMAZING.

You should know that she has this metaphysical ability to tell where all the sisters are going when they get there and who they will be trained by. She knows all the sisters practically, because she's been teaching here for over a year. And also in the last year she's been here, she has been 100% accurate...

so...

she told me that she thinks I'll be trained by Sis. Forte... and Sis. Forte is in Kosovo....

My nightmare/dream has come true. well. Has been prophesied, more accurately put. haha we'll see when we get there! ahhh. They speak a different dialect of Shqip in Kosovo than we've been learning in the MTC. I"M KOT.

 

Anyway... çfarë tjetër?

The language is hilarious. I absolutely love it. I know that I can't speak one lick of it. But thats okay because I WILL learn and I WILL work to learn it AND I will love the people more importantly. If they can see that, then I'm doing my job.

 

I just need to say some things to everyone reading this right now:

I was talking with my companion about the things that lead up to us being on a mission right now. I told her all about the change and what I felt and what happened leading up to it. I told her about all the answers I got from my prayers. Did you know God sometimes does that? He sometimes will send you multiple answers for one question. And I don't think I fully appreciated all the answers I got in such different ways. So I just want everyone-- Mom, Dad, Natalie, Katie, Grandma and Grandpa, Nana, Anne and Evan, Melinda, Lisa and Lesli, Bishop Mehr, Brad and Jill, the entirety of the Manila 2nd Ward, Martha and Cliff and Lu, Patti, Brad, Aaron Sam and Joel, and Sarah Barrus-- I want you to know that it is not physically possible to contain my grattitude. It is by the grace of God that I don't keel over and weep with the thanks I feel to you all. Even people I know that I have not listed and the people who might never read this, I hope my prayers for you are felt and answered even as I know they will be. You are the people who make miracles happen. Sarah wrote me yesterday describing to me her miracles that she has seen in her life right now. And they're mine too because of the love I have for her and her sacred family. Because of your faith in me and your faith in missionary work and your faith that there is good in the world, I have been blessed, you have been blessed, and God's family will be blessed. I am promising you all right now that I will work SO hard. I will work until I have blood in my lungs and bruises on my heels. I will spend every drop of faith I have to invest in the people of the Adriatic South. Because they are worth every drop. They are worth every penny. So are you. You are worth more than what this world has to offer. That's why we have a Plan, a Restored truth, the Gospel, and the Savior. It's all for you and for your purpose.

 

It is cool to be a missionary, constantly pondering the things that are everlasting, always furthering the understanding of what we are doing. We are continually stretching our spirits and our skills to match that of the Father's and the Son's. And as we do that, we become ever more sincere, ever more authentic, because of what we are right now. I am so proud you (Mom and Dad) taught me about gratitude since day one. Especially through the hardest times of life. Because, guess what? I have never experienced gratitude and thanksgiving like this than ever before in my life. I thought I had been through hard things! Oh the little I knew. haha.

But Truly, I love how a continual study and practice of Christ's gospel transforms you. It has transformed me. It has enabled my mind to expand more than I have ever been able to on my own. This is what true repentence is. Letting go of who you once were with the little faith you have that you can become better with Him. My faith is solid. It's solid because I have been acting on what I have been feeling. I have never been more conscious of my decisions, of my thoughts, of my actions, or of the Spirit and what He feels like than ever before! All because we're receiving revelation constantly and then DOING SOMETHING WITH IT. I hope you see your faith grow with what I'm doing too! You have put a little faith in me and look at me grow! That's your faith working!! Isn't it miraculous!!??

 

How is it possible to be more sincere than I was before? I'll tell you! The more I have developped an understanding of the importance of things, the more I can mean what I say. That is why mom can always tell us that she loves us more than we can understand, because we can't understand. We haven't been stretched the way mom's soul has been stretched by raising us. Same with dad! He loves us to the extent that he has been stretched!! And as a missionary, we are stretched beyond what we ever imagined, because we need the ability to love and cherish GOD's children as He loves and cherishes them. I never would have known this kind of love before if I hadn't been stretched like this. And to think. I'm only in the freaking MTC. haha. This is truly the work of an eternally loving Heavenly Father.

 

I once had a friend ask me how you can KNOW. How can you know if it's you or the Spirit? How can you know what is real, or what is right? I will tell you from my own sacred experience, that it is by testing it. Ask the questions of your soul, Search for the answers in your Scriptures. Ponder, wonder, ask, knock, run, seek, FIND. You will always be answered. Always. Look for His answers, they are there. But you only gain an answer if you ASK a question. Test it! It's yours if you want it. There are so many good things in life. And they're good because they reflect one thing: Christ. Find all the good that you can. I promise you that you will end up right where you start- at Primary on a Sunday. :)

 

I'm so sorry for always blabbering on. But this is as real as life gets. Studying simple truths can get you miles and miles deep into the understanding of all of life.

 

I love you all. Every week I mean it more. I can't wait to mean it even more next week.

 

Yay!

Sinqerisht,

Motra Kokol

wellp. It looks like my spelling is on the verge of a mental breakdown. Wait. That might just be me.

Jokes, jokes. Shaka, shaka.

 

Hello, People of my Heart,

How are you this week? How does life fare for you these days? Who are you this week? Did you think to pray? hahah just kidding I'm not that weird yet. ... .. .. . I am. Pray. Always.

HEY. Katie. I'm talking to you. I know I sent you a letter. I drew a picture of you on the bottom. Obviously that means you need to write me back, fool!! Just follow the example of your elder sister and write me on DearElder! It's so SimPULL.

 

MOMMMMM. PLEASE. Tell Autumn that She is a HERO OVER HERE. No joke!!! I get her crazy cards and hilarity and read them to everybody. We all love her. She makes our day about 8.92 times less horrid. hahaha. Everybody is like, "Is that a letter from your mom's co-worker?? read it out loud!!!" I also got this thing from her that she and her sister used to do- they're balloon paper things and you write goals, fears, hopes, dreams, whatevers on them and put it away in a safe place only to open them a week, month, year, lifetime later and see if you got any of em. So awesome. I also got a homemade puzzle from her. Why is she so creative and awesome?

So happy. She is my sanctuary. Also. Thanks for telling me not to melt. It gets pretty close some days. :)

 

Anyways. We went to the temple this morning. What a BLESSED PLACE. I swear, every time I come out, I just want to go right back in. Also, we get to escape from the MTC for like 2.68 seconds, so... the temple is a true sanctuary.

 

This week was really harrowing. Again. As usual.

One of our dear and precious friends needed to go home to work things out before he can return again. Since there are only 12 of us Albanians in 2 districts, we have all become like a family away from family. He was such a good friend to me, personally. We had these days where we'd go around and share our life stories. We'd talk about incredible gospel topics and experiences that made them true. We had to be careful to stay away from the topic of music because we'd both just start crying about our favorite bands and concerts we went to in another life. He is my favorite kind of hipster:) He was so kind to everyone around him. He helped everyone blend and feel normal and loved. All of us have struggled and cried together at some point, and to see one of us leave is heart-wrenching. However, the best part about it was that we all got to say our goodbyes. We got to tell him how much we love him, how much he is cherished. We got to tell him how proud of him we were for doing the right thing, for doing the most difficult thing. He went around and told each of us what we meant to him.  Most importantly, we got to hear his testimony. Have you ever heard a testimony from a man who is facing certain difficulty and humility with a faith unshakable? Have you ever heard the testimony of a man who KNOWS the Atonement like the back of his hand? You stand in the presence of greatness because they stand in the true understanding of God. Truly, Christ-like. He knows who he is. He knows Who he follows.

We love him. We cannot wait for his return to the field! It will be a few months and they will be particularly trying, but I already know he will be fine. He will return. With a testimony like that, you can't be contained. Personally, I can't wait for the people he will teach. He will know exactly who they are, what they need, and how to find the forgiveness, love, and change they are looking for. He's incredible. This Gospel is incredible. I hope I rely on the Atonement like that EVERY day. I could go on about this Elder and what he means to us. He gave us an incredible experience of Hope and Faith and where to put it. I know that it has only been a month or so, but like I've said before, The MTC is a time warp, and it feels very much like we've been here for a lifetime. This is a trying time.

 

Onward and upward....

 

Cool thing: Janice Kapp Perry came to speak to us on Mother's Day! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. She is incredible! Hardly anything in this world brings God closer, stronger, and faster to your soul than does the power of music. Hot dang. She also wrote new lyrics to Sisters in Zion. We were the first ones to sing it!! our mission president will give us the lyrics later... (so she says) and I can't wait to send them to you! slash, I'm pretty sure we'll all hear them soon because... it's Janice and her music sells like funnel cakes on the Fourth of July in Alabama. (what?).

 

Other Cool Things: Our investigators (" ") are progressing. I love them as though they are real. hahah. It's very cool to see that the Spirit will always testify of truth even if we're in a mock setting. He doesn't care what you're doing! As long as it's truthful and has real intent! We have committed one to baptism. and by that, I mean we have helped guide a person to the process of a life-long following of Christ. I'm so happy I could be their with them as they came to the knowledge of their True and Eternal Father. I'm glad I can be a guide for a short year and a half. Selfishly, I get to experience joy in the process. I CAN"T WAIT to get out into the field and actually be a part of this for real!

Also, We met a REAL LIVE Albanian! haha. JK. But he's from Durrës and he grew up in the church there! He's here in the MTC as a missionary! He's going to Salt Lake South! How crazy is that?! He came by the class and talked to our teachers for a bit, (in Shqip) so... we kind of sort of followed along. I got the gist of things. Slash. my Albanian is terrible and it was really hard. ha. His English is great, though. Një pak gjelos. (that's called phonetic Albanian. It only exists in my mind, but I assure you it's very used... mostly by me)

Also, We got the most part of the AF Gang together to take a picture at the coveted Map! haha. I will attach some pictures. Last Sunday, Natalie Cameron, Whitney McLelland, Mikelle Pyne, Jessica Carlson, and I found each other because Nat left on Monday to go to France! So. That was a highlight. I love them so much! It is so amazing that we can all be in a place like this at the same time for the same purposes. We missed our other friends terribly, but we know that everyone in their life is doing what they should (or we hope that) and that we have so much love for each other. More families! I love them. Whitney leaves on Tuesday, I think! AAHH I miss them already. I was so lucky to have friends like that in high school. That's the power of kindness, baby. 

 

Other Cool Thing I Should Have Mentioned Before But I'm A Little Scattered:     Elder Russel M. Nelson came to speak to us on Tuesday! That's two Apostles I've seen, now! Perks of being a Missionary. I love when the Apostles come to speak to us because they are quite literally the closest thing we have to the Savior. Because of the way they've lived their lives and the calling they hold, they have been qualified to act in Christ's stead. They are our teachers, our protectors, our warners, and most importantly, our special witnesses of the Savior Jesus Christ. Their personal mission and calling is to testify of Christ and to testify that He lives and what He says is TRUE!!! They call people unto Repentance, or really, Remembrance. We're all here on earth because we already chose good! We chose the Savior and God's plan once. Let's honor our first commitment and re-choose everyday! That's what' they're saying to us. If you're ever in doubt about the church or its members, look to the 15 men who lead this church, because that's what this church really is. Those men and their blessed, sacred wives are the examples we must look to in order to gain a better understanding of what Christ's Gospel looks like in action! We look to them because they point us to Christ. We follow Christ who leads us back to the way and the life to salvation. He tells us how to return to Heavenly Father. We don't follow the Savior because we go to church. We go to church because we follow the Savior. We uphold and sustain our apostles and prophets because we follow the Savior. We do everything BECAUSE we have already made and remembered a commitment to follow the Savior.

 

I'm loving being a missionary, because we are a little like the Apostles. We're trying a little harder to be like little Christs. We are in the MTC to weed out the useless, build up the good, and be filled with the love of Christ within ourselves! Then can we go out and love our investigators and love our people and love our work. I love this Work because I love this Love. Work is Love. It hurts so good.

 

Okay. Well. It looks like I'm turning into one of those freaks. I've never been more happy to be a freak in my entire life. I am a peculiar person. I come from a peculiar family, though, so... what are you gonna do?

I love you all so much! It's so fun to watch my sincerity in that statement grow as I come to understand what love actually means. I hope I never cease to increase! Depth and Simplicity go very well together.

Mirupafshim, njerëzit e zemrës sime.

 

Me Dashuri,

Nga Motra

 

Motra Kokol!

 

But seriously. I love the MTC.

 

Çkemi familja ime!

Si jeni? Unë e shpresoj që ju jeni i mirë!! (How are you all? I hope that you are good.)

What is new with the Kokols? I have a cool thing to tell you about my name. So, here, everyone calls me Motra Gogol, because Gogol sounds like Kokol, and a gogol is Albania's version of The Boogy Man. So. There's that. Another thing about my first name: Ari with the accent on the "i" in Albanian means Bear. I'm serious. I really am a bear in Albanian. I think God thinks he's funny. And he's right. I told everyone that that was my nickname at home! So my whole district is convinced I'm already Albanian. (Also... Ari with the accent on the A, means Gold. So. Yay. I'm a golden, Boogy bear.)

I might have already told you that, but I'm not totally sure. My bad.

 

Mom. I'm really sorry to say this, but I can't call home on Mother's Day. We will be able to call when we are in the Airport and also when we get to the Mission Home. (I think.) Sowwy! But I'm writing you a splendorid letter, so don't you fret! Also. I got the package. THANK. YOU. I am so happy with all of the things! I'm sorry if you couldn't find my old flat iron... thank you for getting me a new one! It vibrates, so I feel pretty high tech when I use it. :)

I'm so happy Nat dear-eldered me! It was such a surprise I just laughed, even though it wasn't funny. I'm a little bit in hysterics a lot of the time... so ... maybe i'm just turning into a freak, don't mind me.

 

Never thought I'd say this one, but I"m PUMPED to be obedient. Every time I wake up at 6:30 instead of 6:32, my day is 4.289 times better. It's still taking adjusting, but there is truth in dedication. I'm still happy to be here.

This past week was a little difficult because my companion got really sick! I felt so bad for her. She was in bed for like 3 days coughing and sniffling. She missed some days of class, so she may be feeling a little behind. Though, she seems to have a new resolve to dedicate her mind to studying! I know she'll get it. She is the most positive person I've ever been around.

 

Here's a cool story. So, in the MTC, we role play as if we're teaching an investigator. The investigators are our teachers who take on the role of someone they've already taught in the field. We have an investigator who had asked to be baptised and that threw me off guard. So we met with him the next day and I was feeling extremely inadequate. I just kept thinking over and over that I wasn't a good teacher, that I couldn't ask the right questions, or that I was not sayinig the right things because I'm don't feel like the most spiritual of people. The more and more I thought about how terrible I was, the more the Spirit was driven away and wouldn't teach. My fear of being the pushy missionary drove me to being  a pushy missionary. Finally my teacher just stopped the lesson and asked me what was different from when he was feeling the Spirit so much that he wanted to be baptized, to the lesson at the moment where he felt pushed and confused. I don't even know what came over me, but I just felt like running out of the room. He understood that my companion was ill and so we were both a little off, and that I had been very distracted the last day or so. But had me think about what was different. He told us we would try again the next day. My companion and I went back to the classroom and I just could not stop crying. Silently of course. But it got so bad, I finally just went to the bathroom to pull myself together. Is this getting a little too personal? I'm sorry. I'll rush through it...

But I think I had been holding all of my frustrations and fears about this whole thing for a month, and it all came out when I felt like I was all alone with my companion being sick. ROUGH. Anyway, I contintued to feel like I was a terrible missionary for a long time. I asked myself if it were best if I just went home. Finally, at night, for personal study, I started focusing on my investigator in who he was and what he needed. I started to read all about baptism and what it was, what was required. In doing that, I found a little piece of goodness just for me, the missionary messenger. I was reading in 1st John 3. And in verse 7 it says, "Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as he is righteous."  I just stopped. Because of course I'm rightous! I'm on a mission! I'm not perfect. I'm not supposed to be. In fact, I'm not even a teacher! The Spirit is. But I was so focused on myself being inadequate that I wasn't focused on the Spirit or the investigator. I had turned inward instead of out. Satan does that to me all the time! He tempts me with self hatred and seclusion. That is so like him- he wants his followers (which is us at some point) to turn inward. He wants us to close in on ourselves and he stands there laughing because he thoroughly enjoys our unproductive suffering.

I think we all can do that sometimes. We get so focused on what we're doing wrong rather than what God is doing right. It was a weird lesson in humility. I was prideful in that I had turned my attention away from my savior and on to myself. How productive is that? We can't progress or invest in anything when we're stuck in ourselves, good or bad. He that loseth himself shall find himself.

Christ is different. He wants us to reach out, to reach up. He wants us to reach up toward Him, where he will take your hand and hold it, guide it, caress it, or lift us up by it. He knows that we suffer, but with Him, there is a purpose in suffering. We suffer in order to grow. But we can only grow if we let him nurture us.

I love that this mission is all about people. It isn't about religious crusades, or bible bashing, or people- judging. It's just about Heavenly Father's children. It's about them and their relationship with Him. And that's all there is to it. We simply focus on the Savior, and He will lead us to life and salvation, IN THIS LIFE and the next. Happiness is possible with Him, right now. Pain isn't for naught, it's for cultivation. When we make Him our gardener, we can become the tree of Life.

 

I have one more thing to say about that. Sister Iftiu, one of my teachers told us about a talk she read on her Mission in England. I can't remember what it's called, but it's by Barbara Workman. In it, she talks about Joy. She says that Joy is an emotion of the Spirit. Joy is not a stranger to Pain. Our capacity to feel joy is increased as our hearts are stretched and harrowed by pain. Joy is making friends with Mortality. It is about changing lives one at a time. We, as missionaries are trusted with teaching the Plan of Happiness. And Joy is only found in Jesus Christ. She talks about how Christ went from the deepest pain on earth in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the Cross, to the fullest Joy when He is in the Americas in 3 Nephi. He says in 28 v. 1,"And for this cause ye shall have fulness of joy; and ye shall sit down in the kingdom of my Father; yea, your joy shall be full, even as the Father hath given me fulness of joy; and ye shall be even as I am, and I am even as the Father; and the Father and I are one." He has the fullness of Joy because he has room for it by being harrowed up. If we can look at our pain and suffering and trials like that, how full of joy could we be!? It would turn limitless. As we turn to Christ, He shows us the way, He shows us how to do that. He truly turns our weaknesses into strengths.

 

I love My Savior. I'm so grateful to be a part of His work at this time in the world. I'm so grateful for the people here on earth who chose Him once and can't wait to be reminded. I'm so humbled to be a missionary. The humility lessons never end, and I hope they never will. Because I am full of true and everlasting joy that grows every day.

 

I love you, family.

I know we will be together forever and that makes me the most joyous of all.

You are mine:)

 

Thanks for your love and prayers! I can feel them.

 

Until next Thursday!

 

Me i Dashuri,

Motra Kokol

Hello, this week, my Beautiful Lovelies.

So. This week. Was flippin awesome. (I get punched everytime I say flip. Why. Why must we recreate the BTY.? Dang Mormons...)

My birthday was GLORIOUS. I got so many packages I didn't know what to do with myself.

I must tell you a story.

On Saturday, I got my package slips at 2:45. We ran all the way to the Post office, which, apparently, closes at 2. LAME. I was distraught. I just really wanted that love that I was hoping for all week from you people. We came back to class and I tried to think about what I was supposed to be thinking about. I didn't. So, M. Curtis and I decided to go fight my cause! We ran to the front desk, where Koreans were weeping and calling home. (?). We waited patiently for our turn in line. Finally, it came! The front desk woman was suspicious of us... I could tell... But I was bold. I stated my case and asked if there was someone I could talk to in order to get my packages. It was my birthday, I have to be a little high maintenance at least one day of the year, right? (wrong, justification is of the devil). So She said, "let me check." and shuffled around for a bit. Then she said, No, There's nothing. And I said, Please. And she said Okay. So she handed us over to a nice Police Officer (really he was a mall cop) and he took us to get my packages! There were three!! I couldn't believe it. TENDER MERCIES. Jk. But seriously, I was so happy just to hear from you and to see the handwriting of you, Nat and Kate. Oh and everyone:) We did so many awesome things that day, I can't remember anymore. So yes. My birthday was marvelous. Thank you so much!!

Mom! I'm totally getting your letters! I LOVE THEM. I neeeed them. They are yummy to my soul:)

I got the apples yesterday, and cried and laughed because you're so weird, por te dua!!!

also, My dear dear roommate buddy, Motra Wait just loves you because of all the weird stuff you sent. So . I told her all about your life and why you're the greatest woman who ever lived and why you inspire me and the world and.. so... I hope you cry. Because we did.

Cfare tjeter?

Sermon Time? Okay.

This week I asked myself a few questions.

Why am I here? Why were we born at this time? Who am I supposed to become?

Here are a few answers I got from various talks and speeches:

I am here because I chose to be, but also because I chose those things that was wanted of me to be here. God always has a plan. I'm not sure if I really believed that before, but based on the amount of goal-setting and progress-analyzing we do around here, I have a strong feelling that God is very much the same way. We're always stretching ourselves- mentally, spiritually, physically, in order to retain knowledge. We're here because we chose to be able to choose more. We're here in life because of the meaning we put on to the feelings we received via experiences, challenges, relationships with others, and possibly what we learned from childhood.

Why were we born at this time? I honestly don't know. I don't know. But mostly, it doesn't matter, because there are great people and great circumstances in any generation. But this is ours, and we must make it great.

Who am I supposed to become?

I guess we could put a goal to that one, too. Who do you want to become? For me, I always looked at people like Martin Luther King Jr., Eli Wiesel, Oprah Winfrey, Morrie Schwartz, and Joseph Smith.  Even people like Jane Eyre, Jean Val-Jean... Characters in books and movies who emulated a great understanding of human frailty and human capability. You know who encompasses all of that? Christ does. There must be a long-term goal coupled with short ones in order to become what we want. I found everything I wanted to be in His example. He is empathy, understanding, patience, and wisdom. I have never been more certain of anything than my desire to follow that which I know to be right and true. And my mind and my heart tell me that it is this.

I really like the Psalm of David (23) and it says "My cup runneth over." I always thought it through the lines of gratitude and thanksgiving. I loved it. But this past week, I made an analogy of it. As usual.

Heavenly Father is like a cup, holding all the eternal waters of love.

He wants to give us all that He has.

We are cups, too. But the bounds of our cup need to be stretched in order to hold more. We are ever-striving to meet those conditions Christ has set up for us (Faith, Repentence, Baptism, Being worthy for the Holy Ghost to reside with us, and Enduring to the end.)

We are perfected when our cups overflow. When we are grateful, we have the capability to taste our divine destiny of God-like perfection, whose cup overfloweth. We develop the skills of being stretched in order to be filled with an un-ending love from God the more we act and actually stretch. like my companion and I say, "it sucks," But it's the hardest, best thing we will ever do.

It's funny how the only thing that is unconditional is the Love of God. We grow not because we need growth, but because we're worth growth.

My companion and I are trusting each other more and more each day. She is helping me to learn how to listen to people more and understand where they're coming from.  I'm so grateful I have her in this experience and I'm grateful for the friends who are still with me as "brothers (and sisters.) in the Lord." (I said that to Cade Mooney in my letter to him. He reminded me of that scripture about Alma and the Sons of Mosiah meeting once again.)

We will have lows where we forget our worth and quit. But LOWS don't mean QUITS. Lows are where we gain our footing again learn to rely on our foundation- Jesus Christ. Take the low and make it the reality check.

I'm happy. I'm exhausted. But I'm learning where I need to improve in order to become a great.

I have realized that empathy is a lot like gymanstics- if you don't use it, you will get rusty and lose your ability to understand. I think I got a little rusty. But, the more I'm humbled, the more I can see where to start, where to go, and who to turn to.
I love this work. It's work. I love this Gospel. I love my God. He loves you. More than we'll comprehend with our little cups of knowledge.

I do love you a lot, Fam. More every single day.

Me dashuri,

Motra Kokol.

Birthday message! That's Motra Heathcote 

Motra Curtis's sick tight panda hat mittin scarf thing she got in China

My birthday presents from the Elders!

This is what learning Shqip (Albanian) Looks like.

Hello, this week, my Beautiful Lovelies.

 

So. This week. Was flippin awesome. (I get punched everytime I say flip. Why. Why must we recreate the BTY.? Dang Mormons...)

 

My birthday was GLORIOUS. I got so many packages I didn't know what to do with myself.

I must tell you a story.

On Saturday, I got my package slips at 2:45. We ran all the way to the Post office, which, apparently, closes at 2. LAME. I was distraught. I just really wanted that love that I was hoping for all week from you people. We came back to class and I tried to think about what I was supposed to be thinking about. I didn't. So, M. Curtis and I decided to go fight my cause! We ran to the front desk, where Koreans were weeping and calling home. (?). We waited patiently for our turn in line. Finally, it came! The front desk woman was suspicious of us... I could tell... But I was bold. I stated my case and asked if there was someone I could talk to in order to get my packages. It was my birthday, I have to be a little high maintenance at least one day of the year, right? (wrong, justification is of the devil). So She said, "let me check." and shuffled around for a bit. Then she said, No, There's nothing. And I said, Please. And she said Okay. So she handed us over to a nice Police Officer (really he was a mall cop) and he took us to get my packages! There were three!! I couldn't believe it. TENDER MERCIES. Jk. But seriously, I was so happy just to hear from you and to see the handwriting of you, Nat and Kate. Oh and everyone:) We did so many awesome things that day, I can't remember anymore. So yes. My birthday was marvelous. Thank you so much!!

Mom! I'm totally getting your letters! I LOVE THEM. I neeeed them. They are yummy to my soul:)

I got the apples yesterday, and cried and laughed because you're so weird, por te dua!!!

also, My dear dear roommate buddy, Motra Wait just loves you because of all the weird stuff you sent. So . I told her all about your life and why you're the greatest woman who ever lived and why you inspire me and the world and.. so... I hope you cry. Because we did.

 

Cfare tjeter?

 

 

Sermon Time? Okay.

 

This week I asked myself a few questions.

Why am I here? Why were we born at this time? Who am I supposed to become?

Here are a few answers I got from various talks and speeches:

I am here because I chose to be, but also because I chose those things that was wanted of me to be here. God always has a plan. I'm not sure if I really believed that before, but based on the amount of goal-setting and progress-analyzing we do around here, I have a strong feelling that God is very much the same way. We're always stretching ourselves- mentally, spiritually, physically, in order to retain knowledge. We're here because we chose to be able to choose more. We're here in life because of the meaning we put on to the feelings we received via experiences, challenges, relationships with others, and possibly what we learned from childhood.

Why were we born at this time? I honestly don't know. I don't know. But mostly, it doesn't matter, because there are great people and great circumstances in any generation. But this is ours, and we must make it great.

Who am I supposed to become?

I guess we could put a goal to that one, too. Who do you want to become? For me, I always looked at people like Martin Luther King Jr., Eli Wiesel, Oprah Winfrey, Morrie Schwartz, and Joseph Smith.  Even people like Jane Eyre, Jean Val-Jean... Characters in books and movies who emulated a great understanding of human frailty and human capability. You know who encompasses all of that? Christ does. There must be a long-term goal coupled with short ones in order to become what we want. I found everything I wanted to be in His example. He is empathy, understanding, patience, and wisdom. I have never been more certain of anything than my desire to follow that which I know to be right and true. And my mind and my heart tell me that it is this.

I really like the Psalm of David (23) and it says "My cup runneth over." I always thought it through the lines of gratitude and thanksgiving. I loved it. But this past week, I made an analogy of it. As usual.

Heavenly Father is like a cup, holding all the eternal waters of love.

He wants to give us all that He has.

We are cups, too. But the bounds of our cup need to be stretched in order to hold more. We are ever-striving to meet those conditions Christ has set up for us (Faith, Repentence, Baptism, Being worthy for the Holy Ghost to reside with us, and Enduring to the end.)

We are perfected when our cups overflow. When we are grateful, we have the capability to taste our divine destiny of God-like perfection, whose cup overfloweth. We develop the skills of being stretched in order to be filled with an un-ending love from God the more we act and actually stretch. like my companion and I say, "it sucks," But it's the hardest, best thing we will ever do.

It's funny how the only thing that is unconditional is the Love of God. We grow not because we need growth, but because we're worth growth.

 

My companion and I are trusting each other more and more each day. She is helping me to learn how to listen to people more and understand where they're coming from.  I'm so grateful I have her in this experience and I'm grateful for the friends who are still with me as "brothers (and sisters.) in the Lord." (I said that to Cade Mooney in my letter to him. He reminded me of that scripture about Alma and the Sons of Mosiah meeting once again.)

We will have lows where we forget our worth and quit. But LOWS don't mean QUITS. Lows are where we gain our footing again learn to rely on our foundation- Jesus Christ. Take the low and make it the reality check.

I'm happy. I'm exhausted. But I'm learning where I need to improve in order to become a great.

 

I have realized that empathy is a lot like gymanstics- if you don't use it, you will get rusty and lose your ability to understand. I think I got a little rusty. But, the more I'm humbled, the more I can see where to start, where to go, and who to turn to.
I love this work. It's work. I love this Gospel. I love my God. He loves you. More than we'll comprehend with our little cups of knowledge.

 

I do love you a lot, Fam. More every single day.

 

Me dashuri,

Motra Kokol.

Letter #2

Çfarë është lart?!! (okay, that means "what is up" in a direct translation ... so... they don't really say it as slang... whoops.)

 

Whoohoo. Another week has gone by. AKA. I've been here for 2 weeks. What the. Feels like 4 months.

To answer some questions and other miscellaneous items to address:

1. My companion is from Missouri, she is sooo beautiful. She seriously saves me from myself sometimes. She is such a support. I know we have companions for a reason. There is NO way we could do this by ourselves.

2. We're all going to Albania (probaly Kosovo, now that a companionship sister has just opened it up for sisters, in the last round of Albanian speakers)

3. The food is horrid. It tastes great, but in five minutes, you feel like you're about to shpethoj (explode) (why I know that verb, I don't know.) In class you just hear the grumbles of upset stomachs. It's so gross and awkward and horrid. I've been sticking to salads and fruits the last week...

4. I have seen Cindy 4 times now!! I also have seen Carter Spear, an awesome boy who was in our ward at Glenwood, too) I'll put a picture of me and Cindy up! She works so hard to serve us the lovely ushqim (food). I love her:)

5.  MOM. I promise I didn't forget your birthday. I feel really sad because on Monday, I had a written note with love and happy birthdayness written all over it. Sister Iftiu (the woman who is in Jane's ward who is one of my teachers) was going to take it and scan it and put it on your facebook wall. BUT she couldn't find you on Facebook! I'm so maaadd.

6. And Dad! I was going to do the same thing for you, but she went out of town before I got to ask her. I have failed ju.

7. I am so happy Jane got to you via Facebook. I MISS HER. BEYOND WORDS. Tell her to write me. Seriously. I want her to write me real real bad.

8. The peeps in the pics are a) Cindy and Me! b) the girls in my district, Motrat Heathcote, Wait, Curtis and Kokol and c) Elder Davis with the crazy eyes (sorry it didn't attach last time). He's the bomb! d) That's Elder McGrath, we decided he is the epitome of Dwight Shrute. Don't ever tell him... haha but seriously, he's awesome, too. We have the best district ever!

 

 

I promise, parents, I really tried to do something fun for your birthdays... but... I guess I just don't love you enough. Better luck with your daughters next time... 

 

So,

Happy belated, beloved Birthdays, Mum and Pop. They're the best birthdays ever. I'm glad you both got to go out to eat and celebrate with some loved ones (besides me). You both deserve the best and both deserve to be shown love and support. I love you! I support you!

 

And yes, Mother, I'm so sorry that we are horrible children who never listen to you and didn't listen to any of Mary Ellen Edmonds tapes. She definitely makes you cry and laugh at the same time throughout her whole shpiel. She was so great to listen to when we first got here, like we weren't crazy religious fanaticals. We're just humans with an eye single to the Glory. haha.

Dad, I hope you get that extra Job with the School! That sounds like a perfect thing for you!! I'm praying for you. Though I know that you will always get what it is you need. I'm also really glad that you got those people to rent from you! That sounds like a party and I'm so glad things are working out.

 

This week has been absolutely mind-blowing. I have finally settled in, so it's not so much an emotional roller coaster, but we are cracking down on memorization and grammar. We are now teaching investigators without notes. They're encouraging (forcing, it's boot camp here) us to use everything that we know already in Albanian, but if we don't know a word, we describe around it. Basically I use a lot of impromptu ASL (Albanian Sign Language). It is so fun to try and talk!! I feel like French TOTALLY helped me out. Putting adjectives after nouns, pronouns before verbs. BAH. my mind understands that concept already, so I'm feeling good. Even still, it's the weirdest language ever. It is the most beautiful, too. Mom, I'm so glad that our neighbor was trying to talk to you about the Cases and noun declensions. It's seriously crazy.

 Okay I know you guys don't care about this language stuff... but, obviously I'm obsessed with it... 

 

So Wednesday, Mikelle came in. I think I probably cried. It was so good to see her. She and Natalie Cameron have been such a source of strength for me, this week. It has definitely been a lot harder than we each anticipated, but I have never felt more joy, peace, accomplishment, or clarity in my entire life. It is so good to see all the pepole I know around here in the MTC. I also think about my friends in the mission field right now, and how much closer I am to them by knowing what they are experiencing.

 

The MTC is truly the most efficient place in the world. As Brother McGlothin says, "God is VERY efficient." This thought has come to me in different ways since I first heard it. Yes, he stretches and maximizes His time in every aspect. More importantly, we have been called by Him to the places where we and His children will be benefited the most. The more I learn about Albanians the more sure I am that I was meant to go there. They are very cordial when you first meet them- as in, they aren't rude and run away. In fact they love the small talk at the beginning, they love telling everyone their stories and their troubles, they're a very open people. However, when you get down to the business of talking, they GET DOWN to business and do not want their time wasted. They are very direct. If they don't think something is appropriate or acceptable, they say it to your face. Not out of cruelty, out of bluntness. Brother Vance (my third and final teacher, I promise) says that if they think someone is heavy, they just say "You're fat. You eat less, yes?" or they'll say, "That dress is not good. It is ugly. You should wear something else." I LOVE IT. I LOVE THESE PEOPLE. THEY ARE MY DREAM PEOPLE. 

 Here is something cool- This week has been about Being Converted Unto the Lord. Guess whose farewell talk was about just that? I'm so blessed to have had that topic so I could study it out in my mind and then come to the MTC and learn what apostles and teachers have to say about it. I got to contribute in my own mind about it!  Here are some things I have written down in my journal that I hope will help you a little in thinking and going about life:

 

1. God does not expect perfection but he is pleased with progression.

2. The Gospel works.

3. Dilligence is greater than intelligence.

 

I apologize in advance about my spiritual shpiels, but this is the MTC and my Mission, so... just don't take too much offense.

 

As we grow in our willingness to yield to the Spirit and to Heavenly Father, we grow in faith and in joy. This time in life is God's time. It's not mine. I chose to be here, therefore, I chose to yield. I am not perfect. I am not a perfect teacher or a perfect listener. But I can become that by being a perfect repenter. As we continue to turn away from what we justify as right and toward what we KNOW is right, we become like Him. Kind, patient, understanding, empathetic, loving, listening, clear, straightforward, simple, deep, Whatever it is you secretly know to be perfection, that's what we can be. We can develop that right now, even.

And as a Missionary, I need to be as close to that as possible, because we're pointing our investigators to Christ and His example by BEING that example. We're helping them to develop their relationship with God, with Christ.

 

Yesterday, Motra Curtis and I learned in our personal study about consecration. We were reading in 2 Nephi 32 ... (v 8 and 9, I think) and it says, " he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of they soul. "
I was like, what the heck does consecrate they performance unto thee, mean? We had our ideas, I thought about the Law of Consecration and she about consecrated oil. We were both right. We asked Bro. Vance, and he said, "consecration is something that is special, that is set apart for something."

What we learned yesterday is that God only wants to bless us and give us all that He has. As we consecrate our talents, gifts, time, and even our very lives, It is then HIS, and He can therefore do with it what He wants. What He wants is for us to be happy, to feel love, to radiate it, to become like Him. He can take your freely given will, set it apart, and maximize it for the good for you and those around you. That's how love works. It increases like a fire, the more it is flamed. It expands like molecules being heated, growing in energy and not losing its substance.

 

Test it!! It WORKS. I'm serious. We are our own greatest investigators. Do you have a question? ASK. Do you really want to know? Expect an answer. Already commit to acting upon whatever it is that answer is. That's real intent.

 

This is because the Law of Consecration is really the Law of Trust. Can we trust Him to take our humble offering of the soul to use for good and justice? He IS justice. He IS happening. I know that we can trust Him. I know that we can become all that He is and has as we learn little by little how to consecrate, how to trust.

 

I love this work. I have never loved anything more in my life. I have never wanted to curl up and cry in my life. I have never wanted to sleep more in my life. Even more, I HAVEN'T done that. I haven't had time to cry or sleep! NOT FAIR. ahaha. But in all seriousness, I know that Heavenly Father loves His children. Who else would require 18 and 19 year olds to go out telling people that they are loved? No one except He who is perfect in love and truth.

 

The thing about truth is, if you're looking for it, you'll find it.

 

I love you all. I love you so much. Thank you for support. Thank you for your love.

 

I love snail mail. you should send me more of it:) I can only write back on Wednesdays, but I get mail twice a day! I would love to hear about what you're doing and thinking and becoming every single day! BLAH BLAH BLAH, something something cheezy. Bye for real:)

 

With Love,

 

Motra Kokol

Ari's first Letter!

Family!!!

Oh my word, I don't even know if I can start this letter.

The day you dropped me off was a whirlwind! I got my books (10 lbs, at least) Then we went straight to the classroom, dropped it off, went to my "Residence Hall" to drop off my stuff, went back to class, studied forever, ate dinner, went back to class, then came home and was ready for lights out at 10:30.  That weekend was truly mind-blowing. I don't even know what to tell you!

My companion is Motra Curtis. She is the most amazing thing. We get along so well, it's like it's divinely instigated (haha). She is so bubbly and outgoing and I trust her. We can bounce off each other really well with ideas, construcive criticism, and understanding.

We're all stuffed into one residence living room (6 of us in the size of my Helaman appt), which makes for some interesting conversation slash craziness.

 I can't begin to tell you how much we're learning! There's no way I would be able to learn Albanian if not for the fact that 1, I'm called there, and 2, I know I have to out of fear of embarrassment if I don't get it when I'm in the field.

But, seriously, We're learning how to rely on the Spirit and how to teach with Simplicity and Plainness. This, my friends, is why I have been called to speak an incredibly difficult language. Not because I can, not because I want to, but because I need to learn how to shut up. God is so funny. haha

So, Saturday, I almost fell on the floor in sheer exhaustion. I was overwhelmed with how much we needed to do, the little time we needed to do it in, and the depth of what we needed. Then we hit Sunday. We were filled with everything we needed. My Branch President is an amazing man. He speaks in whispers. All the time. So we have to listen intently. I was talking with my District Leader, Elder Davis (he's the one in the last picture, I think... With crazy eyes) and  we decided that there was no way you could zone out or even look away when he was speaking. He's like a whispering Preacher. He's eccentric, but he's so amazing! We then had a devotional with a woman named Mary Edmonds. She has gone on 4 missions, all to Asian countries. It was the funniest devotional I have ever been to. I was not expecting it at all. Here's an example: In the MTC we are NOT ALLOWED to touch the elders. at all. We can give a professional handshake, but anythying more than that and you're out. haha So, she said, "DO NOT TOUCH THE ELDERS. I mean it. Do. Not. Touch them." Silence. Then, in a tiny, little voice close to the microphone, "but keep a list of the ones you want to touch."

I laughed forever. Mostly because we're stressed out of our minds... but I laughed heartily.

Okay... Then... Monday, we had class and cracked down on the hard grammatical barfage called "clitics." We don't have them in English. Essentially, you say, The boy it has kicked the ball. And also there are these things called Noun Cases, ... Noun declentions (SP?) aka You conjugate nouns based on where they are in the sentence. There are five cases. AAAAHHHH. JK I love it. You know I do. But It's still SO HARD.... I love it. I don't even know how to conjugate all the verbs yet!! I'm afraid of all those...

Oh well! It'll come!

Then Last night, we had another devotional and guess who came?!! Elder Richard G. Scott. Yes. My first week here, and an apostle of the Lord comes. Score.

It was amazing! He said everything we needed to hear at that moment. He not only was the example of simplicity and spiritual power, but he blessed us with 4 apostolic blessings!

He invoked the blessing of 1: not only to learn the language, but to master it.  He knew we were all freaking out. How can you begin to teach the Gospel in a language foreign to you when we can barely do it in English?!

2: he said our companionships would be blessed. 3: he told the sisters (and the elders) that because of our specific decision to serve a mission, our families and husbands would be blessed in ways we could never imagine. 4: He blessed us that we will be able to grow from our struggles. He started out his whole talk about the sister missionaries. I'm beyond words. I was so grateful to be a part of that group and to hear it from an apostle. Did you know that his wife served a mission too?? IN the 50's. His dear, sweet Janine served a mission and he loves her, though she died almost 20 years ago. I am so grateful I'm here.

Okay, I'm so sorry that it's so short. But I want you all to know how much I truly, truly love you. You have been the best family I could have ever hoped for. I didn't know my love could grow even stronger, but by studying the scriptures and principles and teachings, I have expanded my capacity to love.

Mirupafshim!!

With love,

Motra Kokol

P.S.(I'll write every Wednesday!)